midnight bottle

I guess I'm kind of a private person. I honestly couldn't tell you what my friends would say about me because th truth is - I have no clue. Maybe they would say I'm a really happy person, maybe they would say I'm too sarcastic, or awkward, or opinionated, or upbeat and loud, or quiet, and keep to myself. Maybe they think I'm nice, that I'm a good person. Truth is it could be any of these things, or it could be none, is that obvious? This is kind of just how I would think of myself. Of course I could add more things to th list of how I view myself, but, this is just in short. I like to present myself as an approachable, friendly, happy, outgoing type person, who is secretly a really shy person, who doesn't care what others think.

If you can figure that one out, maybe you might say that's me. But honestly, I'm happy enough with who I am to not want to be someone else. I mean, my friends have been my friends for a long time, so clearly I'm not that bad. But sometimes I wish I could be more open. Or was much more willing to share things. It comes up in casual conversation, things like our dreams, who we want to be, where we want to go, the things we want to do. But there's so much more to me than I know anyone else sees. I think I have too much time on my hands to think about these things. And sometimes too much that I over analyze things, or over think, and it causes me to worry for no reason, or make plans that will eventually fail. But I'm not too concerned, because after all that, I just think "At least I have a plan."



Underneath all those feelings, of weightlessness, freedom, and possibility, I still remember feeling those moments of despair. Like somehow there just wasn't enough, or something felt incomplete.

A part of my life swept in and out in a blink of an eye, I can't tell you where it's gone, but there's a feeling inside saying it's not really gone. Not for me anyway... It was never part of th plan. If I even had one, I never knew.



But I have dreams now, so many dreams. I have a plan. I've begun to figure my life out and prepare for the future that was opposite to what my heart really wanted, but knew was the only real possibility.

I don't know who's reading this, but I can imagine who.


I just feel so much better telling you this, whoever, like it's not boxed and caged up inside me anymore.

This is why I said I was a private person. No one knows it but me. And now that you do, I just trust that you'll keep it to yourself. And now that you do, I pray you understand.

I hope this doesn't change how you think of me, I'm not a depressed little girl, I'm as happy as ever. This isn't my life. This is just th biggest part of me I'm sharing it with you only to relieve myself of this.



I don't have a plan anymore. It's gotten me nowhere. I know who I am and I know who I want to be.

I have dreams.
But it's not really a plan.
I've switched trains since, and I'm still riding til it takes me where I'm destined to be.